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This entry has a huge opening paragraph. I don't think people would want to read it to get the imformation. D Davis | This entry has a huge opening paragraph. I don't think people would want to read it to get the imformation. D Davis | ||
You need to seperate your first paragraph. You have a lot of good information, but it does not stand out because its all stuck together. I liked how you linked your sources. | |||
-Whitney Behel |
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