A lot of great information. You need to break up the long paragraphs and add a table of contents. The information just needs to broke up in to sections. Bold and add bullets to information. You could add links to the page and put a works cited area for where you got the information. -Dave Burkert
The long paragraphs take away from the information. I do not know for sure, but I don't think we were supposed to use "I".-Amberly Keough
This entry has a huge opening paragraph. I don't think people would want to read it to get the imformation. -D Davis
You need to seperate your first paragraph. You have a lot of good information, but it does not stand out because its all stuck together. I liked how you linked your sources. -Whitney Behel
Condense information so that the reader can scan for the information that they will benifit from. -Anthony Jones
Paper should have been broken down further to have the important information easy to grasp immediately. There were some grammatical errors, but paper over all had a good tone that was understandable. It is good that there were more than three resources being used. Entry was good it just needs to be revised for the internet a little more. --Apitt329 13:27, 24 Mar 2005 (EST)
You should not use the word "I". You also need to eliminate the word "though". The word count needs to be shorter to keep the reader's attention. --Dflowers 19:46, 24 Mar 2005 (EST)